JOSCAR JOSEPH: Deep ‘Nside

Yes, I do mean STAR WARS EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE SITH

And yes, I intend to spoil the movie for you by writing about it. So if you have not seen it and do not want it ruined, come back after you have watched it.

And no, this is not a review. These are just things that I wanted to discuss since the movie is still fresh in my mind.

1) WAR! For the first time ever, the opening scroll uses an exclamation mark! Since this is the first thing to be read right after the title, it properly sets the tone for the entire film. Holy Bantha Shit!

2) CHRISTOPHER LEE IS CINEMA’S WHIPPING BOY: No mater what movie the legendary actor is in, his characters always get the shit end of the stick. If he isn’t getting his head cut-off by his replacement Sith Padawan, he’s getting stabbed in the back by Grima Wormtongue. Or he’s getting electrocuted by an electrified Gremlin.

3) THE WATER OPERA: So that’s what the Emperor does in his off-time. He watches fish-things swim from one large sphere of liquid to another.

4) BRUCE SPENCE: This guy gets a notable mention because he is a character actor who will get a huge cult following that will rival Bruce Campbell- he is in the third installment of FOUR MAJOR FRANCHISES- Star Wars, Lord Of the Rings, The Matrix, and Mad Max. Call me nuts, but Cult Status is achieved by remarkable coincidences like these.

5) ANAKIN IS JESUS: Palpatine explains to Anakin how he was immaculately conceived (from a certain point of view) by Dark Side Midichlorian manipulation- therefore giving Lucas a repreive for introducing the concept of midichlorians in the first place. He also gave the Religous Right something else to complain about.

6) THE HALEY JOEL OSMENT CAMEO: Did you see David carrying Teddy? Look closer next time.

7) EVIL IS SEDUCTIVE: Ian McDiarmid is so fucking solid in this flick! His speech about the ways of the Sith is so effective it will make almost any fat, pizza-faced fanboy wanna go out and kill some children! So beware of mean nerds after opening weekend.
THERE ARE NOT MANY MEXICANS IN THE FUTURE: Jimmy Smits has about five or six scenes TOTAL in the enitre six-episode saga, and that includes the scene where George Lucas allowed him to nod in Episode II.

9) YODA AND CHEWY- BFF: If there is a God, then the rumored television series spin-off will be a buddy-show involving Chewbacca giving Yoda tons of piggy-back rides.

10) DARTH VADER REALLY DOES CARE: When Vader finds out about Padme’s death, the scene plays out like a Frankenstein parody. However it does confirm that Vader really does still have good in him. And at the end of the day, its kind of cool knowing that Vader used to bang Natalie Portman.

ONE MORE THING-

An actor named Wayne Pygram plays Grand Moff Tarkin, and he bears more than just a passing resemblance to a young Peter Cushing. I guess that it is a no-brainer as to why he got the part. My advice to him: Learn to love the COMIC-CON, Wayne-boy!

-Jh

What would I tell myself if I met myself from this moment last year? Actuall, I know exactly what I would tell myself because I know exactly what myself from last year would ask me. There was something that I desired that I could not get away from, and it was only the beginning of a long, dark teatime of the soul.

"What happens?" he asks excitedly? "Tell me something- ANYTHING happens!" It does. "Soon, I hope!" Nope. "Not even on the 16th?" No, in fact, that is when the teatime will begin.

"Will it be terrible?" Yes, and at the same time wonderful. You will excercise the greatest of all virtues: Patience. And the end result will be something more than you expected. 

My self of a year ago will then look through my friendster profile and ask who the hell all these people are. "I don’t even know 160 people!" You will, I tell him.

"In a relationship! Jesus, with who? Is it-" No, I’ll stop him right there and remind him to be patient. Frustrated, he’ll carry on. After a while, we’ll go on a hike. He will be happy to know that I have continued to be a non-smoker and that I am living an active lifestyle.

"The marathon? The Los Angeles Marathon??" He looks amazed. I smile and tell him the time in which he will complete it. "That’s not very impressive." I frown.

He really wants to know more details, but I cannot give him anymore, just the advice that he must not listen to what others tell him and to carry on, no matter what the situation is.

Afterwards, we share a bowl and a beer. I tell him that I have stopped smokin pot as much as he does now (or then) and that I’m trying to cut down on soda. I tell him about my divorce from fast-food and he looks at me like I’m insane. I remind him that I probably am, being that I am fantasizing about talking to myself from a year ago…

A year ago… Jesus, I wanted so many different things a year ago. Who knew it would turn out this way. For the better? Maybe. For nothing? Not on your life. Everything happens for a reason and myself a year from now will also have information that he will not be able to tell me.

Who were you a year ago? And who were we- were we anything? Friends? Enemies? Were we nothing to each other?

I’d love to know.

I made this Quiz about me. How well do you know me? Probably pretty well since I tell everybody EVERYTHING. But, let see how you fare.
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=050304195427-315395

Good LUCK!

-Jh

I had a confrontation last night that could have gotten bloody. Emotions were running at an extremely unpleasant level and tiny fists were clenched- I immediately searched his body for any soft spots he was leaving undefended. His chin, his gut… oh yeah, if he swings I have a lot of options for my counter-attack.

It didn’t come to blows. It came down to a lot of heavy emotion and ugly words and as he put it "A clashing of egos." Fine. I can handle that, but what really got to me was the anger rooted inside this deeply disturbed individual that he chose to focus on me. Yeah, me! I’m the bane of his existence and the cause of all the problems in the world.

Who needs this kind of negative energy in their life? Not me! I sure as hell did not invite this inside and I want it to be gone before it settles in and festers. Bad Chi (Chi? Is that how you spell it? help me out) is something that is best dealt with on an open level. There has already been some negative response to this blog… the egg shells have barely cracked open and I have already been given warning on "what other people will think!" Please. Its a blog. Use your fucking head and go about your own business…

So for anyone else who has bad energy in their life, I will assume that you also did not look for it. It found you and is trying to latch on to your good energy like the parasitic bacteria it emulates.

I would love to hear about your bouts with it. The forum is now wide open.

-Jh